Addiction Cost Me Everything That Mattered

How Addiction Took My Family, My Sanity, and Almost My Life, and Why I’m Still Here Telling This Story

My first wife, Laura (not her real name, but I call her that in my memoir to protect her privacy) was remarkable. Passionate. Capable. Smart. Loving. She had an almost photographic memory for numbers. I’d watch her recall customer ID codes from customers she hadn’t worked with in years like it was nothing. Her son, my step-son Caleb, benefited from having a mother that sharp and dialed-in.

But Laura had one blind spot: a casual attitude toward recreational drug use.

I can’t say whether Laura was an addict. What I can say is that she loved to party, and I was prone to addiction. What started as a weekend thing slowly turned into an everyday thing. Especially for me. The grind of a high-pressure physical job made speed feel like survival. But it wasn’t. It was a mask. And eventually, it became a cage.

Drug abuse isn’t a joke.

It’s not edgy. It’s not rebellious. It’s a con. A seductive lie that always begins with “this is fun” and ends somewhere dark and hollow.

For me, it stripped away my ability to reason. It turned love into fear and anger. It pushed me to do things I’ll never be proud of, things that cost me one of the most meaningful relationships of my life. Not just with Laura, but with Caleb.

Because Caleb became my son. He was the son of my heart. My first child. I loved him then. I love him still.

Yes, I’ve looked him up. Just to see who he’s become. From what I can tell, he’s grown into a good man with a beautiful family. But I wasn’t there to help raise him. I didn’t teach him how to be a man. I didn’t show up in the ways that mattered. And though drugs played a huge role in that loss… I blame myself. I always will.

Eventually, I got clean. Not because I’m some hero, but because I was lucky. Because pain forced me to face things. Because I had to. It wasn’t easy. It never is. But the worst parts of me didn’t survive the journey, and I’m grateful for that.

If you’re struggling with addiction, hear me clearly…

It is not weakness to ask for help. It is strength.

Please, don’t carry this alone. There are people who will stand with you. There are lifelines worth grabbing.

If you're struggling right now, whether it’s drugs, alcohol, or just the creeping sense that things are slipping away, you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you’re not beyond help.

You don’t have to white-knuckle it alone.

There are people ready to walk beside you, not in judgment, but in hope.

Here are a few places to start:

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
  Free, confidential help 24/7 for substance use and mental health treatment referral.

• Celebrate Recovery – www.celebraterecovery.com
  Faith-based recovery groups meeting across the U.S. for all kinds of addiction and trauma.

• SMART Recovery – www.smartrecovery.org
  Science-based recovery support meetings and tools for addiction and behavior change.

• FindTreatment.gov – www.findtreatment.gov
  A locator tool for local rehab and mental health support services.

If you’ve been there, or if you’re still there, I see you.

I lived it. I carry it. But I made it out. And so can you.

If this story speaks to you, feel free to reply or share. I read everything. And if you’re hurting… please, reach out.

- Mike