It’s a huge issue that therapists have written about and it affects women as well.
Long ago when I was knee deep in parenting three kids and three dogs, I was at a kid’s party. An older woman introduced herself to me. I said “hi, I’m Nick’s mom!” She looked me square in the eye and said, “that’s great—but do you have a name?”
I’ve never forgotten it.
We are more than the sum of our many jobs and tasks, important as they may be.
That story is perfect because that really is the question, isn’t it? Somewhere along the way, the tasks become the identity. Parent. Provider. Protector. Problem solver. Chauffeur. Emotional shock absorber. All of it matters, deeply, but none of it is the whole person.
Then one day you realize you’ve been answering to every role except your own name.
That’s the part I’m trying to find again. Not by walking away from being a dad, because that will always be the most sacred thing in my life, but by remembering there was a “me” before the job consumed me.
Thank you for seeing it so clearly, and thank you for always bringing the kind of wisdom that feels lived in, not theoretical.
I’m at the exact same spot. Older daughter getting her first apartment this summer, younger one headed off to college, and me standing here wondering, ‘what now?’ because I too built my life around being their mother. Even though we knew one day they’d leave, nothing prepares you for the feeling when reality hits you squarely in the face. We’d best hurry up and rediscover ourselves, huh? 🙃
You spend years knowing, intellectually, that this day is coming. Of course they’re supposed to grow up. Of course they’re supposed to leave. That’s the whole point of the job.
But knowing it is coming does absolutely nothing to prepare you for when the day finally arrives.
It’s such a strange thing, because parenting is the one job where success means slowly making yourself less necessary. Then, when it works, you’re left standing there thinking, “Okay…now what do I do with all this love, time, worry, and identity?”
So yes. I think we’d better hurry up and rediscover ourselves. Apparently the kids are inconsiderate enough to become adults whether we’re ready or not. 😉
It’s a huge issue that therapists have written about and it affects women as well.
Long ago when I was knee deep in parenting three kids and three dogs, I was at a kid’s party. An older woman introduced herself to me. I said “hi, I’m Nick’s mom!” She looked me square in the eye and said, “that’s great—but do you have a name?”
I’ve never forgotten it.
We are more than the sum of our many jobs and tasks, important as they may be.
Reclaiming that sometimes takes a little work.
Susan, this is exactly it.
That story is perfect because that really is the question, isn’t it? Somewhere along the way, the tasks become the identity. Parent. Provider. Protector. Problem solver. Chauffeur. Emotional shock absorber. All of it matters, deeply, but none of it is the whole person.
Then one day you realize you’ve been answering to every role except your own name.
That’s the part I’m trying to find again. Not by walking away from being a dad, because that will always be the most sacred thing in my life, but by remembering there was a “me” before the job consumed me.
Thank you for seeing it so clearly, and thank you for always bringing the kind of wisdom that feels lived in, not theoretical.
Finding yourself again is an exciting endeavor, however late we may start. And thank you for those kind words. ✨❤️
I’m at the exact same spot. Older daughter getting her first apartment this summer, younger one headed off to college, and me standing here wondering, ‘what now?’ because I too built my life around being their mother. Even though we knew one day they’d leave, nothing prepares you for the feeling when reality hits you squarely in the face. We’d best hurry up and rediscover ourselves, huh? 🙃
Eliza, yes. That’s exactly the wall I hit.
You spend years knowing, intellectually, that this day is coming. Of course they’re supposed to grow up. Of course they’re supposed to leave. That’s the whole point of the job.
But knowing it is coming does absolutely nothing to prepare you for when the day finally arrives.
It’s such a strange thing, because parenting is the one job where success means slowly making yourself less necessary. Then, when it works, you’re left standing there thinking, “Okay…now what do I do with all this love, time, worry, and identity?”
So yes. I think we’d better hurry up and rediscover ourselves. Apparently the kids are inconsiderate enough to become adults whether we’re ready or not. 😉